I feel like I should start with a disclaimer…..I truly love and cherish my family. My children are two of the best people I know…and my husband is the most loving man; completely devoted to me and my kids. However, with the holidays it has been two and a half weeks since I had just a few minutes to myself…just me and my thoughts. A minute or two without having to share what I’m doing, thinking, feeling with someone else. A minute or two where I’m not sorting out somebody else’s schedule or dealing with someone else’s thoughts and feelings to the point of exhaustion.
But today is Wednesday.
Wednesday is my day off….not only from my actual job as an educator of little people but from my family. Everyone is working except me and I, (once I drop my youngest to work), have the day to myself.
I realise to some this may seem selfish and for years I felt the same…my life was completely devoted to my family, to keeping an immaculate house, to having dinner on the table at 6.20pm every night, to having the kids bathed and smelling good when their dad got home. I still worked and would spend my nights, (after the kidlets were in bed), creating stencils and learning aids for my ‘other children’. What I never did was relax. Or spend time doing my own thing. It wasn’t till the lead up to my divorce that I realised I had no idea who I was….other than a mum and housewife.
That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy doing all of that mum/wife stuff….I do….nurturing is the best and most often used descriptor of my personality and I’m really good with that. But where is it written that that nurturing can’t be directed towards myself sometimes?
As such I’m devoting Wednesdays to self-care. That’s not to say I’m not going to start taking better care of myself every other day….that’s definitely the number one goal for this year…becoming healthier, happier and way less stressed. And it’s not to say I won’t do housework or paperwork some Wednesdays….because some days I just really enjoy cleaning the house and cooking up a storm. But what is not going to happen is that I feel obligated to spend my Wednesday doing anything other than what I need to do for my own wellbeing. No more racing around trying to get everything done then getting to the end of the day and feeling miserable that the day was ‘wasted’ or feeling stressed because I didn’t get a chance to stop and rest.
From now on, if the house is a little untidy on a Wednesday…oh well….if the emails are piling up…they’ll still be there tomorrow. My children are old enough to bathe and smell good on their own…and my new husband is a grown man who actually loves to cook dinner; regularly kicking me out of the kitchen so he can whip up a culinary masterpiece. Having that all sorted should free up a nice chunk of time to nurture myself – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Although I’m not really sure what all this self-nurturing will look like for now.
While part of this journey will be trying not too submit to the guilt of allowing myself so much time, thought and care when there’s ‘stuff’ do to; the rest (and most important part) is finding out who my authentic self is and what she likes to do on her ‘day off’.
And that’s what makes me ‘heart’ Wednesdays…the opportunities; the possibilities; the joy and excitement of finding the things I love; that make me whole and bring me peace.